I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
