Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
