I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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