I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
