I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
