ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
