i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
