Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
