beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
