I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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