Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
