Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
