I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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