if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Randomize
