Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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