i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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