I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
True strength comes from lack of pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
