dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
