ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
