Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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