Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
