Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
