so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
