I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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