I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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