my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
