I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
