just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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