I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
