i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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