So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
