Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
