So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
