He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
