I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
