No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
