Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize