Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I understand Curling. That high.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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