marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
