So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
