I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
