We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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