Acid is not a monday night drug
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Damn victory sex feels great
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize