I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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