dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
