this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
