I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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