someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So many bounce houses so little time
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize