im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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