I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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