so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
