Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
