I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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