I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
