You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
