Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
