Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
