I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
