You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
