Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
