Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
