just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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