I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
