farters have to be the big spoon...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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