My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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