i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
