I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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