upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she looked like the before picture.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
