My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
