I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
