btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize