shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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