I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
