Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
