You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
