i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
