she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
