then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You can't motorboat a personality
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
