called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize