Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
