I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
