hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
