O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
