if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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