I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
