when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
