I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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