went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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