all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
