Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
