I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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