The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
