so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
