So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
