So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
