if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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