You just made me feel so damn special
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
