I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Green mimosas i think yes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
