i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
