i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
